Adult Children’s Books only Available on Amazon
Adult Children’s Books only Available on Amazon. have a look through if you have not lost your sense of humour yet! ideal as a funny Christmas Gift all available on Amazon just click the link.
Ah, the world of Adult Children’s Books only Available on Amazon. It’s a magical place filled with whimsy, adventure, and lessons that stay with kids forever—like Don’t talk to strangers or Always wash your hands (especially after petting the dog). But every now and then, a book comes along that was just… too much. We’re not talking about your average “Oops! I got a little too silly” kind of moment here. We’re talking full-on what-were-they-thinking territory.
So, grab your popcorn, because we’re diving into the wildest, most bizarre list of cancelled (and rejected) children’s books. These titles didn’t just get a “no” from the publishers; they got the boot. And now these Adult Childrens books are on sale through Amazon, we’re all left wondering, how did these even make it past the brainstorming phase?
1. A Boatload of Seamen
A Boatload of Seamen
Ahoy, all you brave souls who dare to laugh on the wild side! Get ready to set sail on a comedy adventure like no other, with "A Boatload of Seamen." Written by the fearless humor maverick Jack M. Offman and illustrated by the sassy Anita V. Gina, this is your one-way ticket to the carnival of chuckles. But beware, my friends, reading this to the kiddos might just get you a spot on the "Actually Canceled" list!
We kick things off with A Boatload of Seamen—and, yes, it’s just as awkward as it sounds. This book was originally pitched as an educational adventure about pirates and the high seas, but there’s just one little problem: the title. I mean, how many red flags do you need before you realize that seamen and children’s books should not be mixed together like oil and water?
The poor editor who greenlit this probably thought they were setting sail into exciting waters, but instead, they found themselves stranded on the island of awkward silences. Imagine trying to read this one at bedtime without bursting into giggles or trying to explain it to a school librarian. Yeah, not happening. This book has officially sunk faster than the Titanic.
2. Hand Jobs for the Whole Family
Gather your loved ones, roll up your sleeves, and set off on an unforgettable and joyously absurd journey where your hands become the ultimate tools for adventure and hilarity!
Hand Jobs for the Whole Family is a heartwarming book of hands-on, helpful activities for the family that ‘could’ be read to a child but is chock full of innuendos for adults that will have you on the floor laughing (and questioning your life decisions).
Next up, we have Hand Jobs for the Whole Family. The pitch was probably something along the lines of fun, family-friendly activities you can do with your hands—but that title? Oh, that title was a disaster in the making.
One can only imagine the brainstorming session: “Okay, so we want an adult children’s Books only Available on Amazon book that teaches kids about crafts, right? Maybe handshakes, high-fives, how to tie shoes…” “But what if we called it ‘Hand Jobs’? It’s catchy! It’s fun! It’s family-friendly!” No. No, it is not.
This book was destined for the Reject Pile faster than you can say, “This title is gonna raise a few eyebrows.” You can bet your last cookie that when it hit the editorial desk, heads exploded faster than a balloon animal at a kid’s party.
3. Massive Erections – A Poetic Journey Through Engineering’s Hardest Feats Adult Children’s Books only Available on Amazon
Meet Wille, a spry construction engineer with an eye for the world’s most awe-inspiring erections. He’s ready, with a gentle, guiding hand, to thrust us into a poetic journey through history’s most riveting, jaw-dropping, and monstrous constructions. From the ancient wonders of Egypt to the soaring heights of Dubai, Willie inserts us deep into the stories behind these man-made conceptions. With wit, charm, and years of hands-on expertise, he exposes the tales of humanity’s enduring quest to build higher, thicker, stronger, longer, more pulsating, engorged, and shinier erections to impress men and women worldwide.
What about Massive Erections: A Poetic Journey Through Engineering’s Hardest Feats. First of all, yes, we are talking about that kind of “erection”—the engineering kind. But here’s the issue: even if the book was meant to highlight impressive architectural feats (like skyscrapers, bridges, and tunnels), the title is more likely to get your kid sent to the principal’s office than to their science fair.
A book about buildings, towers, and bridges with the title Massive Erections…? Just picture the look on a teacher’s face as she reads that aloud in class. The “What did I just say?” moment would be priceless. Spoiler alert: it didn’t make it to the shelves. And honestly? It’s probably for the best.
4. Dee’s Big Nuts
Sit back and enjoy this children's book parody about a squirrel named Dee and his friends love for his big nuts. Each page will have you laughing and going nuts! This may look like a typical children's book but once the book opens, you will enjoy references that only adults will understand.
Here’s a gem: Dee’s Big Nuts. Look, I get it—nature books can sometimes be a little, uh, misunderstood. A book about a squirrel gathering nuts for winter might seem like a sweet, innocent idea. But when the protagonist is Dee, and those are Big Nuts she’s collecting? The internet’s collective eyebrow is raised.
This one feels like it was an innocent mistake, but wow, the double entendre is practically shouting at you from the cover. While squirrels might be cute, the adult humor here is not so cute. Sorry, Dee. The nuts are getting put away for now.
5. Brenda’s Beaver Needs a Barber
Sumguyen has always had a thick mane of hair, in the summer of 2016 he decided to grow a beard. Deep into month three he started to look like an armpit with eyeballs.
Brenda’s Beaver Needs a Barber. Yep, it’s exactly as you imagine. A children’s book Available on Amazon that, once again, had good intentions but landed squarely in the “who thought this was a good idea?” category. Apparently, Brenda’s beaver (which, spoiler alert, is an actual animal) needed a trim. But we’re just going to pretend that this book never made it past the pitch stage.
Sure, it’s a funny title if you’re in the right crowd (read: not parents at a school library), but if you’re looking to teach kids about beavers and their habitats, maybe stick with something more straightforward—like Brenda’s Beaver Enjoys a Swim. The whole “barber” angle, though, is best left to adults who can handle a little humor with their coffee and morning news.
6. Mike Hunt – Smells Like Fish Adult Children’s Books only Available on Amazon
Mike Hunt's name is unusual. It sounds like something else. Clap along with these dope AF rhymes like:
- Mike Hunt Smells Like Fish
- Mike Hunt Gets So Hairy
- Sometimes Mike Hunt Bleeds
- It Can Be Kinda Scary
- Mike Hunt Loves to Squirt
- and Gets Wet Easily
- Mike Hunt Once Got Crabs
- And Scratched Endlessly
Let’s talk about Mike Hunt: Smells Like Fish. Now, if you have even a mild sense of humor, you’ll know exactly where this one went wrong. Mike Hunt is just a name waiting to be made into a punchline, and when paired with Smells Like Fish? Well, it’s basically an open invitation to snickers, awkward silences, and facepalms.
Sure, Mike Hunt might be the name of a beloved character from a time before we all got a little too aware of how bad things could go, but this one definitely wasn’t making its way into any school libraries. I mean, could you imagine trying to explain this one to a parent-teacher committee? “No, no, it’s not what you think! It’s about fish!” Yeah, right.
7. Mike Lit: Shouldn’t Be Hard To Find
- Mike Lit’s sensitive
- Mike Lit doesn’t hide
- Mike Lit shouldn’t be
- Very hard to find
- Mike Lit wears a hood
- Mike Lit loves warm hands
Up next, we have Mike Lit: Shouldn’t Be Hard To Find. Maybe the creators were trying to get clever with the name (Mike Lit… like, you know, “literature”?) but the unintended connotations are just too much.
While the book might’ve had noble aspirations, the title reads like a middle school joke that’s better left unsaid. Plus, considering the fact that “lit” can now mean “cool” or “on fire,” let’s just agree this one had too many potential meanings to be appropriate for kids. A classic case of, “You should’ve thought this through.”
8. Becky: The Throat Goat
Becky: The Throat Goat is about as subtle as a bullhorn in a library. It’s safe to say that no matter what this book was actually about (and let’s be real, it’s probably not the wholesome family book it was intended to be), the title alone would get it tossed out faster than you can say “misstep.”
If there’s anything this title teaches us, it’s that sometimes, “clever” can be a little too clever for its own good. Throat goat, anyone?
9. Dad’s Little Pecker
"Dad has a little pecker. He plays with it all day.
He takes it with him everywhere and puts it on display.
Mom loves his little pecker, but she doesn't understand.
Why he always has to have his pecker in his hand."
It's a children's book parody about friendship and marital compromise.
It makes the perfect gag gift for any Dad with a sense of humor. Great for Father's Day, birthdays, or just a way for a son, daughter, wife, or Mother in-law to tease Dad a bit!
Who thought Dad’s Little Pecker was a good title for a children’s book? Look, I’m all for puns, but the line has to be drawn somewhere. While the intention might have been to tell a story about a little bird or some other innocent creature, the title just screams “awkward family dinner conversation.” No thank you.
10. Who Will Eat My Cookie? Adult Children’s Books only Available on Amazon
"Who Will Eat My Cookie?" is and ADULT parody picture book.
Suzy has a delicious cookie, but no one to eat it.
Will she find someone to eat her cookie before it's too late?
Makes a great gag gift for any adult with a dirty mind and sense of humor.
A note from the author:
This book, and all of my books are meant for an adult audience. They are not for children!
Ah, Who Will Eat My Cookie?… We’re diving deep into the innuendo pool now. While it may sound innocent enough at first, there’s no way you can avoid the giggles (or eye rolls) when it comes to this one. Whether it’s about a cookie or, you know, something else… just know that this book isn’t the best choice for snack time.
11. The Back Door
The Back Door" is an ADULT parody picture book.
Some people are scared to enter the back door.
It's an area many have yet to explore.
The front door might be nice and easy,
but the back door can be just as breezy.
Makes a great gag gift for anyone with their mind in the gutter.
If you thought we were done, here’s The Back Door. Once again, it’s innocent-sounding enough, but we all know where this is headed. “Back Door” could have meant a lot of things, but when it comes to kids’ books, you want to be careful where you go with your title. This one didn’t make it past the “Why are we doing this?” stage.
12. Who Will Eat My Sausage? Adult Children’s Books only Available on Amazon
"Who Will Eat My Sausage?" is and ADULT parody picture book.
Sal has a sausage cart. He sells his meat on the street.
But, lately no one wants it. Not even his best friend, Pete.
What is Sal to do?
Should he just call it quits?
Will someone come along and give his sausage a try before it’s too late?
Makes a great gag gift.
A note from the author:
This book, and all of my books are meant for an adult audience. They are not for children!
Who Will Eat My Sausage? Let’s just say, this is definitely a question that should be avoided in children’s literature. There’s no gentle way to put it. This book might have been about a hot dog or a bratwurst, but the title? Yikes. Can we get a “hard pass” on that one?
13. How to Clean Your Beaver
"How to Clean your Beaver" is and ADULT parody book.
Anyone that has a beaver knows it can get smelly quite fast.
This book will walk you through the process of cleaning your beaver and keeping it smelling fresh!
A clean beaver is a happy beaver!
Makes a great gag gift for any adult with a dirty mind and a sense of humor.
A note from the author:
This book, and all of my books are meant for an adult audience. They are not for children!
Author: Sandy Crack
If there’s one thing that truly screams “responsible adulting,” it’s proper hygiene. And no one quite emphasizes the importance of cleanliness like Sandy Crack in their debut novel, “How to Clean Your Beaver.” Before you get any wild ideas, let me reassure you: this is a book about actual beavers. Yes, the furry, dam-building ones.
In these pages Available on Amazon you’ll find a comprehensive guide to making sure your beaver is spotless, because after all, who doesn’t want a squeaky-clean beaver? Sandy takes you through all the necessary equipment, from gentle shampoos to high-powered hoses. Sure, it’s a lot of work, but a well-maintained beaver is the pride of any household. Just don’t try explaining that to your boss if you get caught reading it during a Zoom meeting.
14. Martha’s Field Needs Plowed Adult Children’s Books only Available on Amazon
"Martha's Field Needs Plowed" is an ADULT parody picture book.
Poor Martha's field hasn't been plowed in years.
If it isn't plowed soon, it might leave her in tears.
Her field has been so dry. Her field has been so barren.
She thinks back to the last time it was plowed. Not since Farmer Darren.
Is there anyone out there that can get the job done?
Makes a great gag gift, especially for a farmer.
A note from the author:
This book, and all of my books are meant for an adult audience. They are not for children!
Author: Hugh Jass
Ah, nothing gets to the heart of rural drama quite like Martha’s field. We all know that feeling: it’s late spring, the soil is just begging to be plowed, and your neighbor’s tractor is nowhere in sight. In “Martha’s Field Needs Plowed,” Hugh Jass gives us a down-to-earth, pulse-pounding story of agricultural urgency. Will Martha get her field sorted before the crops wither? Will local farmhands answer the call? And more importantly, can we keep a straight face every time Martha yells, “My field needs plowing!” to anyone who’ll listen?
It’s a steamy, soil-heavy tale about the trials and tribulations of rural living, complete with plenty of hosepipe innuendos and barnyard shenanigans. Get ready to have a newfound respect for tractors and those who drive them.
15. Bertha’s Buns
Bertha is known for her buns.
They are the best in town!
Her buns aren’t like any other.
You can even ask your mother!
Come see why everyone loves Bertha’s buns!
This book, and all of my books are meant for an adult audience. They are not for children!
Author: Anita Loaf
For anyone with a penchant for baking—or, at the very least, a desire to stare longingly at warm, glistening buns fresh out of the oven—“Bertha’s Buns” is a must-read. Anita Loaf’s culinary masterpiece is a how-to guide dedicated to perfecting your buns. From kneading techniques to strategic glazing, Bertha’s got you covered.
Word on the street is that Bertha’s buns are the talk of the town, and people travel far and wide just to get a whiff. Readers have been known to drool at the mere description of her plump, golden rolls, and some have confessed to practicing their own bun-handling techniques just to keep up. So, if you want buns that’ll turn heads at your next bake sale, Anita Loaf’s got your back.
Conclusion:
Folks, sometimes the line between childhood innocence and unintentionally adult humor is razor-thin—and these cancelled and rejected books prove it. Adult Children’s Books are only Available on Amazon and while the authors behind these titles may have had good intentions (maybe), there’s no denying that they didn’t quite hit the mark. So, if you’re ever tempted to write the next big children’s book, remember: you can’t always go with the “catchy” title.
As for these titles? They can rest in the humorously awkward hall of fame, where they will be forever remembered for their boldness, their creativity, and—most of all—their hilariously inappropriate timing.
